Muffin Eating Contest, Really!

When your broadcasting career is as long as mine you have probably broadcast all kinds of events. I’ve been on both sides of the microphone/camera for football, basketball, soccer, stock car racing, horse races, tennis, debates, an anniversary for a zoo, all sorts of press conferences, presidential visits, inaugural and “State of the…” addresses and even a funeral. But yesterday was a first for me; a muffin eating contest!

A couple of weeks ago, our Public Affairs director, Ellen asked if I could assist in the fall kick-off event for WUSC-FM since I was the DJ with the most experience with our Marti. “Sure,” I said, “it will be fun. What are we doing?” When she said it was a muffin eating contest, I thought “Well now, this is a first!” I know you are thinking, “Wait a minute, you’re going to fast, what is a Marti?”

Left: A typical Marti Unit. OK! For many broadcasters, the Marti name is synonymous with remote gear. Just about every station has owned a “Marti” at one time or another to carry remote broadcasts back to the studio. It all started in 1947, when George W. Marti had an idea for a portable transmitter capable of sending high-quality radio programming from a temporary remote location to a receiver located at the studio. The Marti and other similar devices are collectively called Remote Pickup Units or RPUs.

My first experience with a Marti was when we put the first unit on the air in Columbia at WIS Radio back in 1977! It was really cool; bringing studio quality sound to the air from wherever you had an electrical outlet or a car battery. We did broadcasts from all over, that year. It was not unusual to see my little red Karman Ghia with a 20 foot steel collapsible tower strapped to my luggage rack everywhere in the city. Once, we were covering a press conference from the Governor’s office in the State House. I arrived expecting to meet someone from the station with press credentials, but he was not there. So I drove up over the curb of the U shaped driveway in front of the State House and around to the west side. Sure enough, one of the policemen assigned to the State House came over. But instead of giving me a hard time and telling me to leave, he helped me erect the tower and told me I could stay parked in Governor Edward’s space until after the broadcast. Can you see that happening today? Heck, you cannot even drive into that driveway on the north side of the State House these days.

Anyway back to the muffins. Mad Yum Muffins had been underwriting my show and other live shows all this summer so I was more than willing to give them a few hours on a Saturday afternoon. Most of you know that parking in the Five Points area can be a bear. But I got lucky and found a place 75 yards up Greene Street from the fountain, the venue for the remote. A few quarters in the meter and I was good to go. I would love to tell you that the set up was smooth but the first location we chose did not have a clear path back to the station. I made a quick trip back to the studios to recheck the receiver and found nothing. Back at the Fountain, again with a close by parking space; yes lightning does strike twice! We moved the Marti 50 feet and got a usable path. It seems that the building across the street was enough to block the signal. We were good to go.

Unlike the old AM stations of the past where you could monitor from the remote site what was on the air real time with a radio, FM transmitters have a delay of about 7 seconds. Add to that, we have a 10 second delay/dump circuit at WUSC so we can bleep out unwanted stuff. You know; George Carlen's seven words you can’t say on the radio. So I was explaining to the other DJs who would be on the air how to use a cell phone to co-ordinate with the board operator back at the station to know when to start talking. I volunteered to demonstrate by opening up the first live cut in and pass the microphone to the other DJs, then back to me to cue back to the board operator to cut us off and play music.

To make a long story short, because of the complexity of taking the cue while not actually hearing what was on the air, I wound up beginning every cut in along with one or more of the other DJs. I had two microphones available so it was easy peasey. The actual muffin eating contest came in the last three cut-ins of the day. There were 10 initial contestants, three would be eliminated in round one, three more in round two and the final four would compete in round three for the prizes.

I thought that two of the ten were the ones to watch. One was a fellow DJ who pushed 200 pounds, the other was and old friend who although he was thin, rode his bicycle everywhere around town. They both made it through round one, but this petite redheaded female freshman from Charleston blew us away with her technique. She out ate everyone by downing 36 mini muffins in the three minute first round. We had a dark horse in the race and a new favorite. By the end of round two, my two initial favorites were gone as well as one of the final four, who could eat no more. Our redhead was way ahead in total muffins eaten.

The last round started and by now it was clear that our leader was in danger of losing the contest despite the fact that she had out eaten everyone else hands down. It was neck and neck as the final minute of the contest and the other two were pretty close to her. Had she made a mistake by crushing the competition in the early rounds? Time would tell. It was really close; our informal opinion was that she had won by a few crumbs. The judges conferred and concluded that she had done just that.

I would like to say that she was jumping for joy but in reality she was looking a little green, just having eaten a total of 64 mini muffins in the three rounds. The contestant who came in third was also looking a bit distressed. But the second place winner, continued to eat more muffins as the prizes were handed out, he just didn’t have the best opening, peeling and eating technique.

So, at the end of the day, no muffins, or lunches were lost, we had a winner and everyone had a great time. Now I can add “play by play of a muffin eating contest” to my resume. I’m not sure what that says about my career! Oh MY!